Values
Authenticity

How do you let go of the ‘smoke and mirrors’ to cultivate your Authenticity?

Burgess COMMENTARY

Peter Burgess

How do you let go of the ‘smoke and mirrors’ to cultivate your Authenticity?

I had a coaching session with a very senior female executive recently. She walked in looking immaculate – stunning suit, hair like she had just come from the hairdressers, beautiful shoes, matching compendium. Huge smile on her face. I smiled back and said ‘you look beautiful today Madeline’.

Madeline responded ‘I wouldn’t say this to anyone else but it is all smoke and mirrors Jo. I woke up at 3am Sunday morning having a panic attack with all I have going on at work. And then this morning my daughter (7yo) says, ‘Mum, I want you to pick me up from school today, not the nanny, you, I want to show you the new painting I did of you’. Madeline said ‘I feel so torn. There is no way I can do that today. Since starting this coaching I have become increasingly clear on what is important to me and the way I am working and living is just not sustainable. I am constantly trying to please everybody around me and trying to do it all perfectly, but I am not pleasing myself. I am feeling overwhelmed, angry and miserable. I love my job but I am questioning what I am even doing here. I have to start doing life differently.”

This is how we find our Authenticity. Our truth. We start by getting really clear on what we want. What we don’t want. What is important. Then we find our voice and we find our boundaries. We stop being driven by the fear of what others might think or want and start being inspired by what we think and what we want. We start to get honest with ourselves – about what is working and what isn’t. Only then can we get honest with others, rather than blaming them. Only then can we start living Authentically, from within.

It is a practice. In my own experience, sometimes a very slow practice. We start by doing something differently. If we always say yes, we may say no. If we always say no, we may say yes. It may start with a simple ‘no I cant attend that meeting tomorrow’ or we may need to ask for support ‘I am going to need an additional resource to do that or alternatively I am going to have to say no to all of these additional requests’. One man I coached said when he started saying no he felt physically ill. His perceived sense of self and value came from pleasing others, from saying yes to others – Oh how I can relate. But there is no Authenticity in that. To cultivate Authenticity we begin to practice being true to ourselves. And we begin to practice self-compassion at how hard that can sometimes be.

Where are you not being authentic with yourself?